Me, not dancing

Not today, I didn't.

Couldn't seem to find my rhythm. Tried a few minutes and decided my heart isn't paying attention. It is busy thinking about gymcrush.

Damn! Should have listened to the "doctor" telling me not to take on anything strenuous today. Went to the gym and altered my routine, did lighter stuff, thinking the doc meant something in the realm of the physical. Finding out I was wrong about a lot of things is more strenuous than lifting a dumbbell as heavy as myself.

I was wrong, dead wrong. There is no ex. Gymcrush and boyfriend are still very much together. Maybe the guy left the country or something. Maybe volunteered in Somalia, ate very little and didn't bother to shampoo (maybe they didn't have shampoo in Somalia) by the way he looks now. Oh where is Somalia anyway?

I was surprised by the intensity of my reaction to seeing them together again. Here I was, declaring GC as a hopeless crush and even contemplating to write another blog about moving on to better things (yeah, gymcrush #2 is found). All that hubris vanished in thin air with just one sight of two men I thought I'll never see together again.

Ruined my whole routine, damn it. Went back to the familiar and revert to old ways. Weights got heavier, added more than I could lift. Skipped yoga and abs, used the showers again (after swearing I'd avoid FF showers) and went home in a bad mood.

Home didn't offer any respite at all, and after a few minutes pretending to dance I stopped and chugged a beer or two. Then coffee. Then more coffee. Still restless (siempre nagkape ba naman), decided to work.

Alas, work is no panacea tonight. Briefly responded to emails with one-liners and surfed instead. Ah internet didn't help, either. Decided to cut the crap at 2am and went home to sleep. And what do I do once in bed? Write yet another gymcrush blog.

Me not dancing today. No rhythm. No nothing. I just want to vanish nowhere. Anywhere. Maybe in my sleep I wouldn't think of today too much. Maybe I'll dream a much better one than the reality of a nightmare earlier this evening.

Note: Photograph from http://channingtatum.org/galery