Boss from hell

Started reading The Devil Wears Prada. A few pages and am hooked! Can't wait to see it on screen, with no less than Merryl Streep playing Miranda Priestly!

Well, the boss from hell! Don't we all have at least one story to tell? I certainly have mine, and it all happened 8 years ago right after college.

Her name is Chickie. The devil she is, maybe; but I loved her. She has the ability to bring tears to any unsuspecting victim that crosses her way, and a few minutes with her is more than enough to reduce anyone below 50 to a scared, whimpering child. Unless, of course, you're one of "Chickie's boys".

How did I land on Chickie's lap for breakfast? Long story, but I can still remember some vivid details of my year-long stint under the most amazingly devilish yet fascinatingly loveable boss in the world.

I remember:

*Senior managers bursting into tears after getting dressed down. Miranda's "the details of your incompetence don't interest me" comes to mind.

*Lowly staff talking about her scandalous outfit. Sexy, she was, in her late forties.

*Hiring a cab to drive me off to Clark because I was late one day when she had to make a pitch to the industry top honchos, and she thought I was on board with her entourage and went ahead of schedule. Later, her senior team will get the tongue-lashing of their lives for failing to remind her that I wasn't with them.

*Her cutting anyone with "Who's your boss?" in that oh-so-familiar tone, whenever one's making excuses about why something she wants to happen just isn't possible to do.

*Her telling me, in her most chilling voice, "You dropped the ball." That was a time when I didn't send the response she wanted us to write a competitor because another senior manager said to wait for some news over the weekend. She blew her top that Monday when things got worse and realized what I didn't do.

*A week later she made me her executive assistant.

*Lying about not having my driver's license with me, hence I couldn't drive for her amiga whose car had been towed while they were having coffee at Starbucks Emerald. Truth is, I didn't know how to drive back then, and one of her pre-qualifications for her staff is that they should all know how to drive.

*Seeing her dance Latino on an office table.

*Meeting her cook, whom she sent to culinary arts school because she's fascinated with food. Tuition was worth it, great food.

*Playing water polo with her and the rest of her team. This woman certainly works hard and plays harder.

I learned a lot from her, my work ethic strongly influenced by her in my early years trying to climb the ladder. She encouraged me (everyone on her team as well) to continuously improve, to always be ready to grab the next big thing. For her, knowledge is power only if you know how to use it.

I admit I may have had a Chickie crush growing up. What the heck, I was one of her boys. I didn't mind at all.

The Devil wears Prada. Yeah, and that devil is really an angel in disguise.

Tsk tsk

January babies are:

Handsome.
And so it was written.

Loves to dress up.
Duh!? I would dress up only under duress, like when there's a client meeting that am dragged into.

Easily bored.
I used to have "flavors of the month". Now it's like "cravings for the day". Yeah, true. Proof? I tend to sleep on our regular Monday staff meetings.

Fussy.
Da da da da da...

Seldom shows emotions.
No comment.

Takes time to recover when hurt.
No comment.

Sensitive.
That's what you think. Caveman.

Down-to-Earth.
Yep, though I tend to act more like this when am with show-offs.

Stubborn.
Oo naman.

Anyway

I can't remember where I first heard of this but they say it's an inscription on some stone or landmark found somewhere in India. A priest whose name I can't remember also used it for his Christmas eve homily. Later on I got some forwarded Powerpoint slides as well, containing similar words. Whoever wrote this is certainly very very wise.

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of being selfish, and having ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;Succeed anyway.
What you spend years building, someone may try to destroy overnight. Build anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give the world the best you have anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.Be happy anyway.

my.cocktail

Wisdom comes with age, so they say. I wish I were younger, less of a cynic, and certainly not yet jaded.

Do we all think alike? If we do, then I have every right to be wary and be cynical to anyone's approach and advances. If we think alike, then I have to scrutinize the motivation behind the nice act.

Am rambling, I know. But getting the invite to meet a date's old old friends is like being asked to meet the future in-laws. Freaking me out...especially when there's always the possibility that I've already made out with at least 2 of them. I can hear Sunshine mouthing slut.

Not feeling well...blame the cocktail of drugs my dermatologist put me on for the next 7 months. My mind is spinning...I'll sleep now.

Meat bet

I lost a bet I've made with Sunshine. Last week, over dinner (well, I had dinner, she had beer - gurl on a mission she was!) I kept talking about dating someone seriously (as in no-sex-until-after-commitment serious stuff) and she sort of blurted "I'd give you a weekend!". As stubborn as she is, I said I can do it - see someone without fooling around. For a month.

She was right! Well..almost. I lasted over the weekend naman, but was 28 days short of the month I needed to give up sex just to get free steak at Gaudi.

However, I couldn't be more proud of myself for walking my talk. A few hours after I gave up on that steak and gave in to raw meat, I had a long talk with an old college friend PE about his falling in love with someone who, in my mind, is obviously not into him as much.

The story goes like this: PE meets nice guy at the gym, call gym guy NU. PE and NU started dating, then started sleeping together. A few weeks later, PE is singing love songs, but NU is uncomfortable and is non-committal about everything. In short, PE is in love, NU isn't. At least from where I'm sitting the later's definitely just fooling around. But PE, girl at heart, is in love. And he's wearing his heart on his sleeves. And he wanted to talk things out. Parang si Sunshine, always needed to talk things out. End result? Unhappiness and discontent about the state of things.

My advice to PE? Move one, go back to your old ways. Sleep with as many as you can, sex can be a panacea to many things that inflict mere mortals like us, including infatuation and possibly, love.

Am not jaded (not yet anyway), but I see things differently this time. My first impression of NU is that he's a fuck-and-go kind of guy. Hell, he's been cruising us (me and my friend AQ) at the gym, and only one thing kept me (us) from doing something about it: I knew just in time that NU is seeing PE, and no matter how hot any guy is, I wouldn't touch what's on a friend's platter unless willingly and rightfully offered for a taste. In this case, PE didn't know that I knew, and I would have kept it that way if not for this "situation".

Ah, the situation. Why do we always NOT ask the relevant questions? If it was a one-night-stand, it's not relevant who's paying for his posh apartment, his nice car or his designer rugs. But for something labeled as "serious" and "different'?

And what is this thing about NOT even asking if he's already with someone? Yeah, I'm guilty as hell, but I've learned my lessons. ASK! It's easy enough - "Are you single?" How difficult is that?

And listen to this: I love you. But there can't be an "us". Huh?

Enough! He's stringing you along. That sliver of hope? It's you, trying to hold on to something that wasn't really there. He's just not into you. As Saint Augustine put it, "To err is human, to persist in error is devilish".

Now, have an ice cream. Oh, Sunshine, since I'm getting you ice cream at the Pen, you wouldn't mind if I don't give you that DVD of your super favorite series for your birthday...what's that called? The one with McDreamy...ahhhmmm well, yeah, Grey's what? Hmm yeah, ice cream na lang...?

Moving in

Three days after moving closer to work and I still haven't settled. Am supposed to be used to moving around, yet here I am, restless as ever. I haven't even unpacked my underwear and this evening I kind of threw everything around looking for my 365s, for working out.

Let me give you a list of things I hate about this move:
- personal ref too small, just have water for now
- no coffee, haven't brought in my coffee-maker
- nothing to wash the dishes, so am on "to-go" food for 72 hours and counting
- haven't found a landry service yet, or more precisely, can't haul my butt to that nearby laundromat
- my clothes badly need ironing
- my Wega and DVD player are still on their way. No cable yet. What's a guy to do on a boring night like this?
- no mirror! ohmigod, how will I survive?
- fastfood will kill me! had microwave food for breakfast, Starbucks sandwich for lunch, KFC chicken for dinner. Oh, banana-q for snacks and Fruitmagic protein shake after workout.

Now, for a list of things I love with this move:
- got closer to work, now I am 49 floors away from one of the offices. Why 49 you say? Office is at the 18th, pad's at the 31st. Sum them up when you realize there are separate elevator access.
- got closer to the gym, walking has become my warmup exercise
- barely moved Halle (my car) in the last 72 hours, and that's a good thing (gas savings)
- no more traffic worries
- I can actually arrive at meetings on time (except last Monday, but that was only because I didn't know the exact time of the meeting, I thought it was moved to the afternoon)
- I can now contemplate, seriously, learning how to swim. To go do it, is of course, another matter.
- I feel am closer to gym crush, knowing we both live in the same area ha ha ha. Asa ka pa.
- Some really cute neighbors.

Spent last Sunday night trying to figure out where to have dinner - fastfoods closed and the only open place nearby is a 7-eleven. Drove aimlessly around Greenbelt, hoping McDonald's would trigger some hunger response in me but changed my mind soon as I parked in front. Ended up eating microwaved kaldereta and drinking Coke.

And today, I was terribly bored. It doesn't help that there are errands I would kill for to avoid.

Ah I need a workout buddy and a Greenbelt buddy. Any takers?

Untitled JS

I never said I'm sorry.

Maybe that's what's missing to give us both closure. You needing to hear it, me needing to say it.

I see it in your eyes everytime we meet - at the gym, at school, even on the streets of Salcedo at night when we both happen to take a break and head for Starbucks. The longing for something to end this, whatever it is that's gripping us both.

We met at a time when I wasn't ready, and you were. While I am older in age, you were way beyond my years in maturity. I felt like I was 13, finding my ways for the first time. You were there to teach me, a lot, maybe everything.

You see, I was a teenager, and you were a grown man. Must have been hard for you to reconcile that you were, in fact, 7 years younger. Age never seemed to bother us at the start; it only became an issue later, and only because we've run out of hurtful things to say.

I see it now, the compromise. You wanted me, I wanted you, but both for different reasons. You wanted commitment, I wanted fun and experience. I've always known you'll yield to my will: you settling for the next best thing, as long as you have me. Somehow I sensed the dissatisfaction early on, but the ever stubborn me wanted to show you it was never about owning somebody. For me it was about trust.

Yes, we compromised a lot. And yes, I've had my indiscretions, and so have you. They didn't call it open relationship for nothing. Later on we settled to a routine where you'll accuse me of fooling around, and I'll proudly flaunt it in your face. It was all a lie of course, because later on I've valued monogamy and commitment more than anything else. You were blind to all that, because of one lie we both decided to take as truth: You were my first, and you didn't know it.

There's a lot I should be thankful for knowing you and being part of your life. You mentored me into your world and treated me as if I am royalty. Every experience I now remember to be much more meaningful because of you. I just hope you know it by now.

It was funny, how we ended things. Condoms. You hated the fact that I carry rubber in my pocket all the time. For you it was me being Brian-ish, your euphemism for promiscuity. For me it was about you not trusting me enough, and not trusting yourself more - in short, your insecurity.

We're glad it ended, aren't we? It's just that we've got lots to say to each other, and only now, when the feeling is gone, that we are comfortable talking about it. Good thing, too, because had we said these words during those times, we could have ended hurting each other more.

You may think I never loved you as much as you loved me. The point is, I did. It might not be as much, but it's all I am able to at that time. I sincerely hoped you knew that.

I'll never regret knowing you; never regret sharing my life with you for a brief moment. If I may walk this way again, I wouldn't change the part when I met you. We'll, maybe I'll improvise a bit, and maybe I'll drop the "open relationship" part. But who knows what would have happened if we didn't do it our way the first time?

Thank you again. Good luck. And see you around.

Fifteen and lost at sea?

I've always had such respect for the sea. I love its beaches and make sure to pay homage to its beauty as much as I can. I embrace its calm and the gentle breaking of its waves.

I've also feared the sea. I've seen its power in the form of 12-foot walls of rampaging waves during typhoons. Yes, some sick part of me wanted to see how the gentle seas could be deadly.

Along the bay of Baler, when I was younger, I used to escape my aunt's watchful eyes and join a few high school friends go to the beaches of Sabang whenever a tropical depression is about to pass by. Twisted. I used to think we were so brave, coming as close to nature's fury as anybody could. Foolish perhaps, but brave enough in the mind of a 15-year old whose one form of rebellion is to go against anything his parents say is good for him.

Well, they were right in the first place.

Ever got caught in the middle of a storm, when all you can do is hang on to anything that could get you safely anchored to the shore?

I feel like I am fifteen again. Right in the middle of it all, hearing nothing but the nearby growl of giant waves breaking, of thunder howling. Seeing nothing but the swirl of the wind with the mists from the sea, tasting nothing but the salt in the air. I am hanging on for dear life.

This time, it will take more than false courage and rebellious spirit to see this through.

Gym Crush na naman!

Gym Crush has become an obsession. Grabbed a number of his Friendster photos ha ha ha.

Couldn't help it. He's just too beautiful to ignore.

So un-reachably close.

Get real. Not in your league. Only in your dreams.

Yearning

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
He’ll get my support
He will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
He’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact he’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
He will understand me
Aaaahhhhh....

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I’ll get away with it

Note: Lyrics of the song "Somebody" by Depeche Mode.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Here I go again.

There are 168 hours in a week, a third of which should have been spent sleeping - eight hours of uninterrupted sleep in a day. What I'd give to have just that!

This week, the longest I've slept was on Sunday night, about 5 hours. Then it all went downhill. Yesterday? Nada.

It helped that I slept a few today, though my body says not nearly enough. Good thing I hated the way sleeping pills make my limbs numb; I could have been addicted by now.

Still, am looking forward to sleeping more hours this weekend; that is, if my bestfriend Kim's plans work out as well as we'd hope - less of Greenbelt on weekends. We're supposed to follow a strict schedule on weekends: gym-home-gym-home-with-no-side-trips-to-Max's.

The Max's thing I could live without, but not going out on a weekend? No Greenbelt-ing? Kill me...

But then again, I've got 3 more seasons of Smallville plus Grey's Anatomy to see. It's time for some real ME time.

Untitled JT

When people leave, they gain courage.

Let me clarify. I meant leaving for good, or leaving for a long time, uncertain when they will return.

They gain courage. To say words they've been holding back inside. To do things they wouldn't dare do if they knew they're not going anywhere.

They burn bridges.
They make amends.
They say "I love you".

It's crazy, really.

I think it's the fact that they know they wouldn't have to take responsibility for their words or actions that makes them bolder.

When they're gone, you can't get back at them.
You can't say it's okay.
You can't even ask them to say it again.
You can't say "I love you, too."

Twisted...ironic.

Still, am glad you said it. Not in so many words, but more so in actions. At least you wouldn't be leaving me wondering...about you, about us.

Thanks, JT. Who knows what could have happened, had you not decided to leave. Or had you told me about your feelings before. We could have had the best time of our lives together. Or maybe not.

We'll still be friends, might even keep in touch. You'll make new friends and maybe forget about me for a while. I'll make more friends and forget about you for a while. Then you'll be back. Or I'll be gone. Who knows what would happen then?

Let's cross the bridge when we get there. For now, thanks for the warm and happy memories...thanks for telling me and for making me feel how you feel.

What's your Starbucks name?

Okay, lower your eyebrows now...

I admit I may have used a dozen different names for a dozen Starbucks outlet all around:

Greenbelt 3 = Jason / RCBC Plaza = Tom
Easton-Valero = Gian / Greenbelt 1 = David
Leviste = Andrew / Glorietta 4 = Michael
6750 Ayala = Chris / Malate = James
Eastwood = Bryan / Mega-strip = Ron
Shell-NLEX = Nico / Shell-SLEX = Anton

You get the point.

I just couldn't help myself giving a different name everytime I get coffee. It got a bit confusing when someone from Easton Place served my coffee at RCBC, calling me Gian when everybody there knows me to be Tom. Then the following week, same guy's giving me a knowing smile when I got coffee at Easton and mistakenly gave Tom instead of Gian. Now you get the point?

From now on, I'll stick to a few names instead: Jason or Gian. Or maybe my nickname - Kiko.

Super

I have a confession to make.

Up until now, I never liked Superman. I liked Smallville, but that's pre-Superman, if you know what I mean. I've never seen any Christopher Reeve full-length movie, not even Dean cain's TV version. I just couldn't get it: how Superman could have one arch-enemy his whole life - Lex Luthor.

Now, I've seen Superman Returns three times in its first week. I never seem to run out of friends who haven't seen it yet and wanted me to get Sureseats for them (yeah, can't live without M-Pass nowadays). And it looks like the well isn't drying up any sooner. If my differential equations are right, I'll see the movie five more times before they stop showing it this month. Yeah. Yeah. Enough.

Brandon Routh. No explanations needed.

Looking In

Slept like a log. After not sleeping for more than a day I finally hit the sheets and retreated from my mundane world. What a good thing that was. Am fully recharged, ready for battle.

can't wait to got out this evening. First stop, the Makati gym for some really intense workout. It helps that some personal trainer is getting really personal. Who would say no to free training from a cute PT with a body to die for?

Having coffee now, at 4pm just had my first meal of the day. Can't help but think how much of a brat I've been the past week. And how mean I've become to people who fail to get it. I'm collecting more enemies than making new friends. And my emotional bank account is being depleted, so to speak.

I really don't care much for people who can't keep up, competence and maturity-wise. But as they say, you have to believe the best in people. And accept that nobody's perfect.

Have I become a monster to some? Am sure I have. No point changing their perception at all. If that's what it takes to make things work around here, then so be it.

I'll be the devil everybody hates. It's not a popularity contest anyway.

At the end of the day, people forget angels and heroes as easily as they forget about everything else. But they do remember victory and defeat.