I've always loved numbers. Unlike most people, I wasn't ever intimidated by them. If I could reduce the world and its peculiarities into a set of equations, I would. That's the world I am comfortable in, simple and predictable.
Says a lot about me. I hide behind an air of nonchalance, as if anything determinate is something that shouldn't bother me, oblivious to the common and the ordinary. Some see me as aloof, others are intrigued. Few choose to take the risk and try to peel off the layers I've carefully built around myself, fewer even got close enough. Only one hit the target.
The few friends I have (those who got close enough) wonder why I haven't built relationships instead, go beyond friendship. I tell them it's complicated. That's a lie, of course, the one lie I allow myself to tell my closest friends.
The truth is, I did try to build one. I didn't like what it's coming up to, as I can't reduce it to a set of equations or a single number that tells me the answer is right or wrong. So I held back, withdrew even. I lost something even without owning it.
Lesson learned the hard way...in love and in life, there's no one right or wrong answer. The best you can do is say...it depends.
I would have forgotten about this blog account I've created months ago if not for a blog made by a total stranger who asked me to be an online friend. Intriguing guy. Fall means a lot to me, too, having done a lot of firsts same time last year. Similar season, different reasons to remember.
I've been keeping so many blogs in different hosting sites and it seems nobody is reading them (except for Fridae, of course). Didn't really warm up to the idea of sharing my inner thoughts (naks) to the world, so I do the really mushy and serious stuff the old way - I keep a journal. Been doing that for years - 7 to be exact. (more if you count those school projects, but i digress). Pages & pages of random thoughts. Maybe it's time I share some of it.
I am a traveler, one who keeps getting lost. Always I am a chance passenger, a random walker if you will. Been to places few people would see in their lifetime, mostly because they wouldn't dare go. I am lucky, perhaps I am cursed as well. Most trips I call journeys, but only in retrospect.
I also recently discovered photography..digital that is. Shooting calms me. And that's what I've decided to do here. I'll share my thoughts, no matter how random they are, with my photographs, no matter how common and mediocre they are to some.
It's midnight. A new day. See how aimless my words are? or are they? I'll write more about the photographs in my next entries. Ahh...sleep.
