strawberry weekend

Good finds, wonderful times. It's strawberry season.

Other goodies: Strawberry shortcake from Visco's...

and that interesting Strawberry TAHO from a vendor at Burnham:

get here

Curious enough, I was speeding on SLEX bound for Eastwood when the song played over the radio (yes, I was on 96.3 that afternoon...feeling senti so sue me!)

Was on my way to meet Broody one Monday afternoon, for one of our impromptu meetings, something we rarely do these days, since moving south we have less and less weekday meet-ups. No complaints, but I miss living in Makati or Ortigas, if only for the proximity.

Anyway, it's one of those days when one simply misses the other so much we drop everything and be together. We love it.

"Get Here"

You can reach me by railway, you can reach me by trailway

You can reach me on an airplane, you can reach me with your mind

You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an Arab man

I don't care how you get here, just - get here if you can

You can reach me by sail boat, climb a tree and swing rope to rope

Take a sled and slide down the slope, into these arms of mine

You can jump on a speedy colt, cross the border in a blaze of hope

I don't care how you get here, just - get here if you can

There are hills and mountains between us

Always something to get over

If I had my way, surely you would be closer

I need you closer

You can windsurf into my life, take me up on a carpet ride

You can make it in a big balloon, but you better make it soon

You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an Arab man

I don't care how you get here, just - get here if you can

I don't care how you get here, just -- get here if - you can.

i dream

I had a dream about you. The kind that made me wake up smiling, wanting to get back to sleep hoping to catch another episode.

It was vivid, the colors sparkling and the images clear. I don't have these colorful dreams too often, but I welcome them with gusto. I wish for more.

Because you were only a dream, and will stay that way. It is nice, that you visited me once more, after a long long time. I wish you'd visit me more often. 

I needed something to hold on to so desperately, and you supplied that dash of reality somehow. Ironic, because you are not really real, not to me. You are just a concept, and I realize upon waking up how much I missed the idea of you.

So thank you. For making me wake up with a smile. Maybe someday, you'll be more than just a concept. For now, make me wake up smiling more often. 

*3 days, less than 2 hours of disturbed sleep each. Could be the screwed chemicals in my brain...*sigh*

beans spilled

I came to you as a friend in need. You came to my aid fast enough. I asked you to keep to youself. 

And then. for whatever reason you have, you turned around and told everyone. In jest. As if you were waiting for me to fall and laugh about it. 

It wasn't funny. When your friend asks you to keep a secret, you either say you don't want to know, or you keep the secret so sacred you die with it. Because that's how I would have done if it were you asking me to keep something to myself.

It isn't funny. Maybe everyone else is laughing, but I am not. I fail to see the humor in the the suffering of one person, no matter how pathetic or petty it seems to you. It was serious enough suffering for me to ask you to keep the knowledge of it to yourself. And you just could not do it, could you?

My error is trusting you, but you can count on me to keep your secrets, no matter how petty or pathetic they are to me. Not because you are my friend, nor because I trust you as a person.

It is because, at some point, you trusted me. And more than losing a friend, I can't stand losing integrity. My own.

.

song for the bropey playlist

Make You Feel My Love

-Adele-

When the rain

Is blowing in your face

And the whole world

Is on your case

I could offer you

A warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows

And the stars appear

And there is no one there

To dry your tears

I could hold you

For a million years

To make you feel my love

I know you

Haven't made

Your mind up yet

But I would never

Do you wrong

I've known it

From the moment

That we met

No doubt in my mind

Where you belong

I'd go hungry

I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling

Down the avenue

No, there's nothing

That I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

The storms are raging

On the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret

Though winds of change

Are throwing wild and free

You ain't seen nothing

Like me yet

I could make you happy

Make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends

Of the Earth for you

To make you feel my love

everybody loves a good story

Ever wonder why people, even after hearing spoilers on how a movie ends, still insist on seeing the whole film? I did, and I think I know why...

Over the weekend two movies: Benjamin Button and Big Love. One critically acclaimed (I think) and the other, a local blockbuster.

I've known how each will end, having read and heard spoilers. Well, my bias against local movies aside, it's almost always certain that Pinoy love stories end with a happily ever after anyway. 

So. Why do we insist on seeing the whole story when we already knew the ending? I think it's human nature to ask why and how, aside from the other Ws. No matter how absurd the plot is (ever heard of aging backwards?) or how common the love story is (fat guys gets the girl of his dreams after transforming into one hot guy looking like Sam Milby *i don't find him hot, but most other people do, and that's the absurdity of it* only to realize the love of his life is that girl next door who stuck with him thru thick and thin *no pun intended*....we always wanted to know what happened.

And we ask what happened to almost anything...you say he died, people ask how? you say you had a fight and they ask for every juicy detail. Curiosity? Maybe, but I have a feeling we ask why and how not only because the juicy detail is very entertaining especially if it's scandalously so, but more so because we love picking at the details and finding inconsistencies. Yes, we wanted a story that's consistent, with transitions that make us forget the absurdity of the plot and accept the story as real. 

That's why I got "Oh yeah" moments with Mr. Button and "Huh? How did that happen?" with Sam and Toni. The first left me with sadness and melancholy, the second made me say "Duh" and change the channel.

Yes, consistency. No matter if it's impossible to age in reverse, so long as the events transition nicely, consistent with everything else that's real (the main plot notwithstanding) we forget and forgive and applaud. 

What am I saying here? Movies, or stories, are best told with the premise clear (no matter how near impossible it is, as long as the audience accepts that premise, you'll have them clapping)...and consistency in tact. Of course, I am no storyteller, not film critic, I am just an audience who sometimes accepts an impossible plot as truth, so long as the elements stick to the truth of what I believe in. 

me snapped

It is a lengthy argument that shouldn't have happened in the first place, but it did anyway and I suddenly found myself face to face with someone who has already been preparing himself to give up on a big challenge. I can see there's still some fight left in him, but he's ready to walk away. 

If I were my usual self I would have given some nice speech about fighting to the end, about taking one big final breath and an even bigger kick. If I were my usual self I would have given encouragement and possibly even inspiration. 

But I wasn't my usual self. I've argued with myself many times over and giving way seems the honorable thing to do. 

How do I tell him to stay, when like him I am also preparing myself to walk away?

My only hope is that, whatever it is I said to him, words that came from a real understanding of how difficult it is to let go, helped a little to alleviate his pain. Hoping that same words, somehow, will find their way to my ears to alleviate mine.

Silence is all I hear now. That and my own voice saying, sleep on it for now.