Flip to sleep

At least for this week, I am able to sleep partly at night. I say partly because I spend about 4 hours sleeping from 6PM. The other half I spend in the morning, the first four hours before 10AM.

Crazy? Not really, but not a few would find my sleep schedule impossible to follow. My schedule implies that I can easily flip a switch on and off to sleep.

I wish.

Seeing episodes of Alias non-stop over the weekend, I chanced upon Irina's claim of the benefits of autocircadian meditation: all the benefits of sleep in a fraction of the time. This led me to series of internet research on how to sleep without sleeping.

There's not much information on autocircadian meditation, although if it's the real deal I'd be on board. Looks like it was made up for the Alias episode though, but am not losing hope, not yet.

Then there's the Da Vinci sleep or the polyphasic sleeping method, which reduces your sleeping time into "naps" for 45 minutes each. Literature on this is divided, though.

So how do I call the sleeping pattern I'm trying to emulate now? Two sleeping times, 4 hours each, 8 hours apart. It seems to work, though. I'll know if this will be good for the longer term.

Things I can tell you about this new sleeping pattern that seems to work out:

I see both sunrise and sunset over my place in Salcedo (see photos, yeah that's the view from my window)
I get to workout during midday - that means no gym crush (which might be a better idea)
I get to eat more regularly (like 3 meals a day plus snacks)

Hungry now. Wait, is it dinner or breakfast? Whatever...sleep in an hour.

Conversations with mom?

I saw a funny TV ad for Absolut Cut - the soda water brand. So much for reading between the lines.

When mom says : So, how's your lovelife?
She really meant: So, do you really like boys or girls?

Then you answer: Great. Am dating a flight attendant. She's blonde.
What you really meant: Am sleeping with my fitness trainer. He's built.

She fires: Oh that's wonderful, honey.
She concludes: So, it's a boyfriend.

Then she follows up cheerily: When do we get to meet her?
When she's really thinking: Dad is going to love this.



For which you respond, with much artifice: Oh she travels a lot.
Thinking: Not in a million years, Mom.

Then, to get your revenge: What about you, how's your backache?
When your eyes say: Are you still sleeping with your chiropractor?

She smiles that devilish little smile that tells you both of your secrets are safe, from Dad at least.

Oh well...

Lunch and what's missing

Two in the morning and my body's about to give up. Mind's already gone, spirit's battered as the day ends. Yes day ends at dawn for me.

Frustrating evening. Tonight's go-live is anything but exciting. Turned up the volume of my Nano to drown the noise from people around me. Am surrounded by people I barely know personally. Ironically, these people represent the very core of what I hoped to achieve, me and a bunch of friends who decided working for ourselves is better than climbing the steep corporate ladder. I wonder if we ended up with the very thing we were trying to avoid?

Am frustrated. Restless. Impatient. All the worst in me seem to be present tonight. This has been boiling under the surface lately, and it's now showing on my skin. Fuse is so short, the air so volatile. Bad for the gander and the goose.

I can't even make time for myself. Haircut's due. Laundry is stinky and it was with great regret that I'd called the laundromat for pickup. Been working our less and less lately, and at times I'm able to go to the gym I can't keep my focus. Ended up over-hydrating, if there's such a thing. And watching gym crush do abs (totally objective process here, I was trying to get workout ideas from him). Gave up yoga for the time being. And dancing, but this one's necessary for me to give up - I'll end up losing more weight if I keep at it.

Which gets me to thinking - what have I been sacrificing to get to where I wanted to be. Are the sacrifices enough? More importantly, is it worth it?

Given up WCE and grad school for the meantime - delaying graduation further.
Haven't seen my family in months, and nowadays it's them visiting me, not the other way around.
Haven't gone out with my friends much, haven't seen Sunshine and Foxy. Can't even keep to my promise that I'll be Sunshine's TonTon buddy.
Good friends are leaving and I'm barely able to attend their despedida parties.
Haven't even talked to my mom and dad in weeks.
Haven't seen my dentist for God knows how long. Ditched my Physical for the year.
Haven't washed my car in weeks! I love it when it rains because everybody gets dirt on their wheels.
Been feeding on microwaved and fast food junk.
Coffee and water taste the same to me.
Haven't read a book in ages.
Worse, haven't taken a photograph at all since middle of this year.

Enough with the whining, though. Time to change and find what's missing.

I love being me.

Space between

Action and reaction don't happen at the same time, do they?
There's a space between them, a delay if you will.
Action first, reaction later.
No matter how short that space or time is, there's always the delay.

The funny thing about words is that, once you've said them, you'll never be able to take them back.
"I'm sorry" and "I didn't mean it" are simply excuses masked as apologies.
Nothing can erase what's already been heard.
Sorry doesn't cut it.

The space between.
Think before you leap.
Pause before you speak.
It feels good reacting to something that tick us off, to bask in the moment and cherish revenge in words or in deeds.
It feels bad to realize you were wrong, or you've burned the bridge, or you've driven someone away forever.

There's wisdom in counting from one to ten after all.