Numbers

I've always loved numbers. Unlike most people, I wasn't ever intimidated by them. If I could reduce the world and its peculiarities into a set of equations, I would. That's the world I am comfortable in, simple and predictable.

Says a lot about me. I hide behind an air of nonchalance, as if anything determinate is something that shouldn't bother me, oblivious to the common and the ordinary. Some see me as aloof, others are intrigued. Few choose to take the risk and try to peel off the layers I've carefully built around myself, fewer even got close enough. Only one hit the target.

The few friends I have (those who got close enough) wonder why I haven't built relationships instead, go beyond friendship. I tell them it's complicated. That's a lie, of course, the one lie I allow myself to tell my closest friends.

The truth is, I did try to build one. I didn't like what it's coming up to, as I can't reduce it to a set of equations or a single number that tells me the answer is right or wrong. So I held back, withdrew even. I lost something even without owning it.

Lesson learned the hard way...in love and in life, there's no one right or wrong answer. The best you can do is say...it depends.