Your sms are coming like rain drops at the end of summer, urging to me go home. I've stayed at work two hours longer than I need to, and I am taking a few minutes more to write you this.
It seems to me you haven't fully appreciated the situation we are in - my new job, my new realities and their implications on our being together. I just wish you'd realize that I wouldn't be around all the time anymore, and that my radio silence is simply an indication of how badly I wanted to succeed here.
It's getting worse, more so because I expected that as we move along and get to know each other more, one will understand what drives the other. I guess I don't know you so well, and vice versa. What's bothering me is how easy it is for me to block thoughts of you out when I had to, and these days I need to focus more and more on my job than on anything or anyone else. What's bothering me is that you seem to become more needy each day, and while I assume it is because we barely see each other anymore, it's the little comments that bug me. And irritate me they do.
That you got sick and I am barely there for you bothers me. Part of me is guilty I can not even get you the meds when you ran out of your doses one time. Part of me is angry that you never wanted to see the doctor, and worse never wanted to tell your family you were sick. I almost freaked out thinking if something bad happens to you, I'd be the one to blame. I freaked out when I realized we aren't anything, so I shouldn't be freaking out at all.
That you got mad at me for thinking of moving to Ortigas, bothers me. It also bothers me that when I floated the possibility of me leaving the country within the year you went cold and distant, as if I am leaving tomorrow. It was just a thought, you know. But the Ortigas thing? It is something I had to do.
And what bothers me the most is that you refuse to talk about your feelings in front of me. I know it is difficult, for I also have the same issues about confrontations - but at least I am willing to talk, and to listen. We don't have to agree on anything, we just have to talk.
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4 comments:
Why does it feel so familiar but the difference is I can see myself in both characters in this post?
-sigh-
p.s. About the na-one way kita.. quits na tayo hehehehehe
Kape tayo minsan. I workout in Wynsum Tues and Thurs and I get coffee before going to work.
Hehe quits na daw...sige coffee one time...
this post is old...a lot could happen in a day...i'll be writing about this thing more later, I just need to calm down :-)
agree with 'pre...i too see myself..both sides of the fence...i guess the bottomline is being part of one's plans
remember mcvet? he had plans...o what a great feeling...to be part of one's plans....it's been awhile since i was part of or was making plans with....haaay
hmmm hang in there Sunshine...teka, di ba CAREER ka na this year?
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