Weddings

Bored looking at stock prices and fingers numbed typing hundreds of codes, I took a break and get to think about weddings. Yes, weddings - the one where two people say "I do" for a lot of things, including, I think, loving one another, obeying one and serving the other. There're some stuff about honor, too..whatever. Weddings, ruffles and flowers and all.

I can't remember the first wedding I've ever witnessed, though I can count few memorable ones like my sister's and my former bosses', the first one on the stretch of Baler beach one very warm May noon, the other on a hot air balloon over Napa valley one early November morning. These two I remember well, the former going strong by the day, the other ending up in divorce 2 months later; but most other weddings I've been to I can barely remember.

I get to thinking about weddings because one of my best friends wanted one.

When you're living my life and following my schedule, waking up to the insistent ringing of my mobile phone "early" morning is a major disaster, certain to elicit the most potent expletives that would make the devil cringe. But this is my best friend, the same chap who, on several occassions over the years, would call me up on the wee hours of the morning to announce seemingly-mundane-but-in-reality-life-changing-decisions worthy of my attention, like having sex for the first time, being in love with a guy, or breaking up with the same guy. So I bit my tongue and got ready to fall asleep while listening.

(You might ask why do I keep my mobile phone on when sleeping. Habit, I guess.)

"I want us to get married," is the opening line of my friend Tix, referring to his partner of a few months. My gut impulse is to throw my cellphone to the wall, but I was conscious enough to realize its market value might be enough to pay for the wedding singer's talent fee. So I endured a few seconds more of his ramblings then told him to f_ck off.

Later we got to talking more about his wedding plans, or at least, his marriage proposal. Plus all our friends got to hear about it soon enough, and it's been the topic of most conversations since. Hence my wedding thoughts for the remainder of the week.

First of all, it's not going to be a conventional wedding. Unless they plan to wed in Madrid or London or Vancouver, it's just a symbolic ritual for the two of them and their friends. They might as well exchange vows over a bowl of noodles at Chowking. But it would be nice to see them wed with all the ceremonies and rituals that come with it, I think. Garden wedding? Nah, beach is more like it. I want to be the ring bearer. I wonder who's going to wear the belo?

Second, though, I have serious reservations about the timing. They barely know each other (although they may feel they've known one another for a lifetime, like most lovers do when they're crazy and in-love). They haven't even tried living together yet (these days it would be so easy to try it out and set up home together first). What makes them think it will not change the dynamics of their relationship? Having to see each other daily and wake up beside one another - it changes everything.

Third, I know for a fact that while they are very much in love, therein lies the problem. Everything is rosy so far, as if nothing could keep them apart. Well, they have not encountered any major crisis yet, making them "too young" to handle anything. I mean, more than love, what could bring out the best and worst of a couple than a crisis that affects one or both?

Fourth, and this is important: our circle of friends barely know the other partner. I am not saying we do not approve of the guy, but we haven't got the chance to get to know him well. Among us, this circle had been one of the sources of strength in times of need. We feel that we are as much a part of our friend's life as his partner is now, and we are family. We are the future in-laws, so to speak. We need time to accept him as one of us.

Sometimes I think my reservation towards my best friend getting married is deeply rooted on the fourth reason. Maybe I am just not ready to see my best friend build his own nest? Maybe am just jealous that he would find love after all what he's been through (and after all what he has put us through whenever there's a heartbreak or a failed relationship)? Or maybe it's transference; I am subconsciously afraid not for him but for myself, in case I end up in the same situation and take the other divergent path?

I trust my best friend. Whatever he comes up with, whether he'll walk down the aisle (or barefoot on the beach) now, later or never, I will walk with him.