Moping album

I finally told him that I loved him. And I felt better, relieved. Somehow Sunshine was right, he deserved to hear it from me, and I needed to say it.

Acceptance came so swiftly I could barely understand why after a few days of him leaving, I woke up with a smile, a clear head and an un-heavy heart. I was playing his songs in my dream, two songs he wanted me to hear before. I was okay.

Of course, there are still bouts of sadness and longing around, especially at times when I needed to be with someone and I remember how easy it was to just call him and ask him to dinner and a movie. I still find myself writing an SMS or even dialing his number, only to stop and realize he doesn't have roaming access on his mobile phone.

Funny, everytime I nurse a broken heart, I always do three things in succession:

1. Talk on the phone nonstop with my best friends and let them dress me down for failing to follow my own rules in love and lust;

2. Drive aimlessly around, trying to find a reason why I should not be angry (it's just not in my nature to be angry and regretful of a failed relationship);

3. Burn a "Moping Album" and play it endlessly (to be honest, once it's over I don't even know why I liked those songs).

Had my friend Tix been near me during those talk therapies, my head would have been separated from my body for his "batoks". I drove around Salcedo village but got bored and decided to workout instead. And in less than 48 hours I was able to play and replay his moping album.

That I miss him is understandable, and while I intend to hold on to my feelings for him, I do know that the inevitable will happen - I will let go and move on.